C,

I left you in Vegas feeling so confident. Confident in your feelings for me. Confident that we were on the same page. Confident you would do the work so that we could be together again.

But I'm starting to have doubts already. Not doubts in you, or doubts that you can do this, or doubts that you want to. I'm doubting my place in all this. Am I wrong in asking you to hold on? I know this isn't what K wants. My therapist keeps telling me not to worry about K. It's not my job to take care of her. I agree, but it's so hard... when I just always want to do the best by you, and that means her too.

I talked to you today. It was only a minute, but you sounded okay. You didn't sound like you had regrets about what we did, seeing each other that one last time. I hope that means I'm not asking the unaskable or anything I shouldn't when I ask you to stay with me and not give up. I hope holding on to me doesn't keep you from doing what you have to do. I also fear that seeing me has opened up other behaviors for you. I know that’s how this works sometimes. I’ve been there… you know that. Please keep doing the right things… for you, for K, for me… for us.

J says I shouldn't worry and that I'm not doing anything wrong. He says it's your choice to not let go of me. I’m not forcing you into anything. He's probably right, and I should listen. B says I have no responsibility to K.... that I'm not in a relationship with her. That I should just be concerned I'm being honest and open with you and J. I know I'm doing that. I can rest peacefully that I’m being 100% open and honest with both of you. And I vow to always do that for the two of you.

I hope this gets easier. I hope eventually we start to move forward with K so that it seems like someday we can be back. I hope your world doesn't have to blow up for this to happen... that's the last thing I want. I just want you happy. I want you to find that happy place within yourself... that place where you can have the wisdom to know if an action is healthy or not... then I want you to run back to me, so we can have our happily ever after.

Waiting,
Ro 🌸