Love isn't a feeling. It's something we do and a promise we keep. -Brandi Carlile

https://youtu.be/Oayzr_KDYFM

A Promise to Keep

I still talk to you in my sleep
I don't say much 'cause the hurt runs too deep
I gave you the moon and the stars to keepBut you gave them back to me

The hill I'm walkin up is gettin good and steep
But I'm still looking for a promise even I can't keep

I still lay on my side of the bed
I dance alone when the last bottle's spent
Memories like a river runnin' through my head
I'll have me an ocean before I'm dead

The hill I'm walkin up is gettin good and steep
But I'm still looking for a promise even I can't keep

I still whisper sweet words to you
And when I'm busy, or have nothing to do
I pray to god, that my words ring true
And that your words might reach me too

The hill I'm walkin up is gettin good and steep
But I'm still looking for a promise even I can't keep
I can't keep it...

My hearts in pieces so please understand
I'm trying to jump, but I've nowhere to land
So give me your heart and I'll give you my hand
And I'll try as goddamn hard as I can

C,

I know love is a promise to keep. And I know I promised not to contact you as part of that promise. I'm sorry that I broke that part of my promise today.

I hope it didn't send you backward in any way. I have said over and over throughout our time together that I'm learning how to love you the way you need to be loved. When that meant I called you out on your shit, I did it. When it meant giving you time to process my words and my needs, I did it. When it meant letting go of something so you didn't feel criticized, I did it. When that meant just listening to what you were going through, even if it hurt, I did it. I wasn't perfect, but I tried. I've always tried to do the hard stuff... So I'm sorry I fell down on this part of loving you today.

I do need you to know, though how much that phone call helped me. The last time we talked you were so desperate. You were desperate to keep any little shred of me you could, but you were also desperate to keep K at the same time. To be honest, you were more desperate to cover your own ass than to give her what she was asking, and both things conflicted, like so many things in your life did.

But today you sounded strong. Centered. On your way to healthy. That's the man I know you can be, and the man I want to love in the future. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm still very important to you and that I am still your end goal. I loved when you said you'd waited more than 40 years to find me so you can wait for a few more to be with me again. I'm willing to wait, too.

I feel at peace now. I feel assured and much stronger. I'll keep working here, and you keep working there. Just don't forget about me.. don't decide I was something different than the truth, someone who loves you deeply and would do anything to make sure you have the best and can be the best. Don't forget who we were together and the potential we have to be great and so happy together, healthy.

Love is a promise. We have always said it. I will try. I will try to give you what you need. Even if this might be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Ro 🌸