C,

Sometimes I feel deceived. You told me if it ever came down to it, and you opened up and told her about us she would either have to get on board or you would walk away to be with me. You promised me forever. Promised that I'd never lose you. But here I am... without you. I'm glad I really never believed you when you told me those things. I know you too well.

I rationalized so much while we were together. I told myself I was making you happy, helping you grow, creating a better man for her. You told me I was doing those things for you. You told me that I was making you a better husband for her to come home to. But your story changed. Now, you tell me you saved the good stuff for me. That you weren't a good husband because I distracted you from the work you needed to do at home for your family. Which one was it? Did I make you better, or did I keep you from it? I don't know which is the truth.

You say you're staying because of your kids. But kids are resilient. I feel like you could foster a relationship with your kids just as well apart from her while working on yourself. I do want you to work on yourself. I do want you to try to be the better man you want to be. It's hard for me to see how that's possible to do while she puts you in a box. How do you grow in a box?

It's not her I have a problem with. I do care about her. I really do want the best for her. I just don't believe that she knows what's best for you. I don't think she knows the real you. And it breaks my heart that you've been with her for 20 years and she has never bothered to try to find out.

I just wish things were different. I wish that when you stood up for us, you did it all the way. I know you're scared. You're scared to be alone. I just wish you knew I'm always with you no matter how many miles there are between us. It could have still been beautiful. I would have still been there with you every step of the way.

I wish you'd never promised me forever... it was a promise you couldn't keep.

Ro 🌸