Today marks 35 days. It’s been 2 weeks since my last update. Last week I hit my first month. A goal that seemed completely out of reach to me. Now at 5 weeks I’m beyond ecstatic that I made this decision and followed through with it.

Before explaining this further, full disclosure, I spent most of this week not belted while awake. The last 2 weeks have hit hard in other areas. This past week I was reeling emotionally, and I was just exhausted on every level. Denial is completely different than being belted to me. When I am belted I am in a constant state of arousal and no matter what else is happening I am constantly aware of both the presence of the belt and my depraved neediness. I made a decision to prioritize my well being and focus all my energy on other things without the distraction of the belt.

That being said. For those days I was not consistently belted I practiced strict no touch and I remained orgasm free. I also slept belted. I find that going to sleep and waking up, already aware of the belt before my eyes open, keeps me from straying too far from the appropriate head space. For these reasons I am continuing my current count on my streak, even though there was some lapse in belt time.

I am also quite aware that I probably only had that option to unbelt because I am acting as my own key holder. Had someone not allowed me out maybe I could have stayed the course. I probably would have found it in me to navigate the circumstances I was dealing with while remaining belted the entire time. I just felt too tapped out to self impose that whole time.

I have remained horny, and needy. And I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t thought about how much stress relief I could get from a good cum this past week. More than once I had that thought. I even almost tried to rationalize that maybe the belt was the root of my issues and if I could just cum I would be feel better and be more clear headed to tackle my issues.

One thing got me through. I’ve seen several people here, from both sides of the belt, talking about mantras. I’ve seen some elaborate ones. Sadly I am not that fancy in this department. Simple works best for me. A concise mantra of “good girls don’t cum” has been the foundation of my resistance. And now 5 weeks in it has evolved from words whispered almost as a hopeful prayer as I tried to keep myself denied to a fact of life. Acceptance has started to take root, and with that comes a sense of peace forming within the turmoil that is my carnal cravings. The desire is still there. Even stronger I would say. Yet now I find myself yearning for exactly that. For that desire. Not to cum, but to see how deep into the need I can go.

I feel like I’ve completely the first leg of an arduous journey. Thinking that I have come so far, and suffered so much. Climbing to the top of the rise I see how far I have to go. Looking back I realize what seemed difficult and challenging these past 5 weeks was just the beginning. That I have faced nothing yet really. And that continuing down this path just may be my undoing. So I smile, and take the next step.