Sometimes, I think we forget how awesome we are--just us--on our own--no excuses or regrets in our unadulterated singularity of quasar magnificence. Recently, I have been thinking about life, about how now I am in my thirties, how life definitely has not turned out the way I thought it would, and how, as odd as it sounds, I am so glad it hasn't.

I also have been thinking about how though I would like to meet my person, and be there for them when they wake up in the morning, and have them be there to pull me into a hug which makes me not get up at 5:30 AM every morning, if that does not ever happen, I will be alright with that too.
As a demisexual, if dating has taught me anything in my limited experience, it is that I would rather be alone, than alone in a relationship. I honestly still do not know what I want, because honestly, I feel it is not about wants, but about being there for people and vice versa, and also, I am acutely aware of what I do not want.
I do not want someone I barely know to try to "change/adjust" my demisexuality--it is not a condition--it is a valuable part of who I am. I do not want someone who brings up me bearing them bio kids, marriage, living together, or sleeping together, when they do not even know me, and I don't even know them. Bio kids, marriage, living together, and sleeping together are not items to be checked off a bloody checklist: they are milestones that are, or are not (as the case may be), reached along a journey after one decides if they are two for the road, or not.
So, have I given up on meeting "the one?" The answer is no, I have not. I have occasionally wondered if he is lost in a desert riding a camel backwards in the wrong direction for the time it is taking to have him cross my path--or if I am??!! The other thing I have wondered is if he is lost in the Bermuda Triangle playing with magnets, or maybe if he has found his perfect elsewhere--it could happen, and if it did, more power to him.
Sometimes, I wonder if somewhere, "my person" is wondering similarly as they mosey through desserts, play with magnets in the Triangle, or consider if I too have met "my perfect" elsewhere, (which I have not, but I have definitely met some not-perfect--at all, like not even in the same solar system as perfection), but I digress.

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