It happened guys I'm 19 in 22 hours so 19M here, england, from 16.5 to now turning 19... So ... That is, 2.5 woah I didn't realize I'm glad 😅 2.5 yearsis a lot of poor handling of me and people make me think I DO F###ING HURT THEM GUYS WITH MY ENERGY. no kidding.. making me feel guilty like bro if ur living kills people.. 😅😘😌😵😵😵😵😵 fucking die 17 yearish Matthew... Fucking innocent but abused suicidal prick... Sorry this is a bit hard. I'm just passionate man.. :) everyone makes me feel hated that I'm like.. really annoying/wierd it sux. Hey. I met a man,walking ahead, probs saw me before he was Infront. He looked behind and saw me looking at him. Ok, if u are in front.. in a fucking busy highstreet of a popular england city, I need to see your fat ass torso mr bigot, so he walks slower and says it's like I'm staring.. y u staring ? 🤣🤨🤧😩-Thats him sort of idk but I said "leave me alone your Infront." But I was nice at the end I said "yea, sure" "I nearly didn't have a good evening !" On a road I nearly got ran over again.. he said have good evening.. and I fucken hate my fucken guts cause now I love that parasite. It was a parasite that lead him... No I mean he actually sees something that his parasite feeds off in my negative emotional hyper nervous state... (/Opposite way round)Basically, I look around a ton. I used to be a lot more nervous, but I'm ok I think to look where I want I think cause I've got some issues now with well... Not being interested in empathy? Like I'm no psycho.. sorry, I don't want to hurt u innocent, light being souls.. 😔🙏 I just like have other issues.. [sociopath inside??] but basically, I thought for a while, hey, I only care about badness cause of how I look..? Not cause of if I care about giving them suffering it's only for acceptance/ social security that's it?!?

? 🙃 Guys, I have severe ocd, every day basically since September 1st (atleast) 2021-2024 Jan 23rd, has an episode :( so I'm deciding to live right, eating kills others when I was 17?? Wtf do I do 😭😭😔 I ask for forgiveness. I did wierd freaky shit in a 'Care' facility at 17 to convince me that I didn't hurt people, clear throat to "kill" the negative energy sending way.. 😊 but I stopped caring when I couldn't be asked to not let someone be tortured by my own clearing of bowels, a real issue.. like I'm fucking alive I can shit??? Im not trying to hurt?? So icba now to care lol I care enough, I will help, but I choose, not even fully emotionally, just inside my mind I really have lost a desire to be 'people person' when most don't give me instant respect? But I do love, it's not 100% I can switch it on -but I can hurt inside aswell as hurting others, unless I block it (feelings of sympathy / regret) all.. generally I'm guilty but idk if it's traditional ? Social?

hey I'm tired and a little hyper drug focused 😅 soz 🤣😬 did I make this a little too long.. someone died ! I spoke to a girl around my age a few days ago, she is dead man :( she told me "I'm ok... Ive got a plan to go to the forest.. I'm at peace" it sucked cause I thought she was in hospital for a min like I'm ok I'm at peace im in a hospital getting help 🙃😔😞 but I'm sure she's over.. my ocd is a lil crazy rn I come to realize but I haven't slept and relaxed like weed helps me man... Sorry @mphet whilst sitting on the toilet after flushing it in my ass is trauma therapy 🤣 legit, pay me, I teach u 🤣😬 nah jk it's just dont fucking stand fron that seat, get comfortable, and stay untill u feel validated to walk... ;) you're a good thing, not something to feel wrong about simply living im just talking guys guilt...?? My fam gave me shitttt tons of it.. I can't move my body and I struggle talking when thinking of them, have voices of almost all 4. Like, I didn't feel I can be proud :( it's not them by themself. But they made me feel like an idiot, like, what am I doing then? Can you get me more skill, dad... ? 🤧 He didn't teach me shite.. he did stuff with my bros, but, very very small amounts with me he cleaned my bottom at 6yrs old I actually feel I was sexually assaulted .. fuck. I'm on D9. Don't comment on it thx it's just one thing. My dad, what if, I went to toilet, he knocks-and I used to play a scary video game with this man who's scary fuck I can't remember !!!? Haribo wtf Kinda.. gummy bear evil malicious old guy not bearbut tactile possibly he opens the toilet door and, I'm in the room like the video game I was fucking scared to shit off guys!! 😢 Fuck me was I forced to have my anus cleaned at 6??? Like.. as a kinda pressure.. mmm let's get you clean 😊😘👍🫵😬 and take great pride in his job.. fuck. I remember I knew- brother/sista who went through a trauma that affects them daily now-... It was wierd to me..! That was like, "bums up- let's clean :)" in a pressuring friendly man way .... Fuck I have a lot of issues tho with like an "anti-mat" if I get into the right vibration.. I can induce hallucinations...

How was your day 😘😅 nah I'm sure things will be fine I'm getting a track on it.. trauma therapy and abandoning family communications now (tomorrow 🫡)like they abandonded mwa 😘

Sorry again if it's long! I think I feel a huge need to explain everything due to a severe loss In confidence that led to obsession with COMPLETELY thinking about EVERY thought to the full process like wondering like what that would mean.. Incase I needed it, to be confident.. when a girl abandonded me at 14ish... I lost confidence in my power to make connections and felt like a waste, how the fuck do I work? Why did we have to distance? It was hard talking w her but she didn't talk w me, I tried alot more and she left, all starting after I said I had feelings.(ps I didn't mind her not having feelings!)

I'm stuck in my mind 😅😭🙏 I'm so fuckin caught and unable to leave thought mode..

Edit: I'm aboutta remove my creep dad- his songs/contacts apart from his email for one more contact.. irl once in 32 hours then no more 😀😀😀! "thanks for my notes 'A' , now.* Then spit on floor towards him * but never attempt to contact me again and if u try.. if u come after me now as I go back to my homeless hostel.. I will break your fucking bones if u lay A FUCKING HAND" yeah I'm angry.. 🙃😬