I can understand that. I was not always this way. I actually had a lot of work to do before I got myself here. I struggled with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia for years. When I got into this work it was because I wanted to show others that you can feel good about your body despite your differences, but I definitely considered others finding out that I do this work, and wondered about what they would think, especially with me doing more than just being naked. Something that I thought about with that was my dead husband, and how ultimately, no one's opinion of how he lived his life ended up mattering. The only thing that mattered in the end was him doing what made him happy. So I decided I didn't want to let potential judgement from others stop me. If someone judges me for doing this and I feel shame, that's me taking the shame from their judgment. But I can quite literally say no... I won't take that. Other's opinions and judgements are just reflections of their own belief systems and as long as I'm living my life with integrity to my own values, that's all I need to be concerned with.
As for the body confidence, if there's interest, I can make some videos on my process to throw onto youtube. It took me about a good 8 months of solid work to get into a place of love and acceptance for my body....mental work... I didn't change my diet or exercise and I lost 8 pounds just from changing my mental state. Later I did get diagnosed with menieres disease and had to cut out most salt, and lost another 7 pounds in water weight. However, my whole goal with the internal work I did was to love and accept myself the way I was because if nothing about me ever changed, I wanted to not hate my body. I was tired of it.

Okay, first off, I appreciate the belief that you're lucky. I think that kind of thinking can do a lot for us. And I feel you on that. I try to be open, but if the feeling I get from someone is off then that sticks with me until I can figure out if there's a good reason behind why I got that feeling or if the person is really just not a good person for me to be around. Generally, the only time I'd continue to be around others that rubbed me the wrong way is because of a work environment. I wouldn't try to hang around them as a potential friend or date if that was my first impression.

How nice are you to yourself? My personal experience has been that the better I have treated myself over the years, the less bullshit I tolerate from others because I know I don't deserve to be treated like that, and I have no problems cutting those people out of my life if need be.
Do you have any fears about drawing boundaries with those people?

Thank you! I appreciate that! And it's great to have opinions. Echo chambers don't provide growth for anyone.

So I will say that I think that seeking external sources of validation for our looks (or most things about who we are) is not a great idea. Like at all lol. But, here's why....when we rely on external sources for validation then as soon as someone says something negative, it can shake our world and throw us into an unstable mental state. When you are the source of your own validation, your confidence will shine and what other's say really doesn't matter. You don't need to seek anything because you already have it.

That's a fair assessment. While I think altruism is noble, I am a firm believer in caring for yourself first. When I am nourished and cared for, I can do a better job caring for others.

I'm sorry to hear you felt like a bad person. That's a heavy weight to carry and I think when we feel like that, shifting out of it can be difficult. I'm glad you're in a place to see your value in this world.

Awe why thank you.
I hope you're able to continue shifting out of your people pleasing and put yourself first, and also create healthy boundaries with others. It feels wonderful to make that shift.

Is that who you're with now? Obv I don't know the whole back story here, but to just tell someone they are a shitty lay is not helpful. My husband loved to tell people about how when we first got together our sex was terrible... and I'm telling you it really was lol. But .... the caveat is that we loved each other and we communicated about our wants and needs, and it ended up being the best sex either of us had ever experienced. Being able to be open and communicate is so important. You can't just expect someone to fuck your brains out the way you've always desired without working up to that point.

That's a great quality to have!

Thank you!

ayyy.... on the OF you can for sure

Thank you!

That's great!

hahaha.... that would be a good position to do it in, huh

I'm sorry to hear that. What's keeping you from placing a boundary there and claiming what you're worth?

That's awesome. I think being able to laugh with your partner during sex can be really sweet and intimate.

Alright, I can definitely appreciate that. What's something you currently do that uplifts or respects women?

What steps do you think you can take to be a better person? Is there anything holding you back from doing those things?

I love that for you. I'm so happy you are that person and that you can see that in yourself. Thank you for being a good human in this world.

Thank you!

I think many people do. They over compensate to hide what they haven't worked through yet. Are you working on your insecurities or what's your plan there?

I think our mental state can definitely be hell. How's life after the crash? Are you happy to be alive or are you miserable for one reason or another?

oh shit... well, you might just try being unavailable. Go out and get some hobbies you enjoy and in that you can meet people who you enjoy doing those thing with. Meeting people for joy is so much better than meeting people for their own needs and then ours not being met. But sometimes we have to go out and create a new circle. I wish you the best on that.

Ooof... no combat here, and I'm sure this certainly is not the same, but I do miss my adrenaline junkie days before my car accident. I barrel raced horses, trail rode dirt bikes and loved doing jumps on them. Now I can't do any of that. That was really hard for me for a long time. Basically nothing in my life at this point gives me that kind of adrenaline. I also was a terrible drug addict for years, so that whole life style is an adrenaline rush of it's own.
What do you do now for yourself? Do you have things that you get to do that you really enjoy or what's your lifestyle like now?

Hey it’s a great skill to be able to be an observer in a stressful situation. It allows you to think clearly and make wise choices, rather than making decisions when your prefrontal cortex is shut down. As for honesty, I think it’s all in how you put it as to whether or not it’s well received. And sometimes there is a place for honest and other times, a time to be silent. But if we are asked for our honesty, delivery method can help with acceptance, if that’s something that you’re striving for.

Hey! So I don’t make any content with guys. Everything I do is actually solo. I’d be happy to give some pointers though

You’re welcome! Thank you, and good luck with everything! You deserve to feel great about yourself ♥️

Sounds like you’re on the right track and actively working on yourself. Mirror work was a huge part of my affirmation process. It’s an easy way to speak to your subconscious. I would also visualize the body I was striving for while working out. And I also was able to identify characteristics that I saw represented in my “ideal body type” (strength, resilience, committed, etc) in myself already, so I used those characteristics to affirm the parts of myself that were already what I wanted, even if my outer shell wasn’t reflecting it yet. Gratitude for my body has been another big piece. But not like oh I’m so thankful that I’m smokin hot. No. …. My husband had chronic breathing issues and struggled for air every day of his life. You know what I can do? I can breathe. With no problem. What a blessing. You know what my heart does? It pumps on its own without a pace maker. How incredible. My eyes work and I get to see the sunset each day. I get to listen to my children laugh and play…. I have a friend my age that started going deaf in her 20’s due to a rare disorder she didn’t know she had until she started losing her hearing. I know another woman my age that had a stroke in her sleep and she woke up paralyzed. It’s taken years and years to get to the point of walking with a cane. When you break it down, the things we are generally upset about with our bodies aren’t such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. And when you focus on the good things your body takes care of for you, it’s easier to not be so hard on it, especially when you are doing what you can to take care of it at the same time. Lastly, this will probably sound insane, but when I started my journey, I started hitting on myself in the mirror. I’d look myself up and down and give myself the fuck me eyes and tell myself things like god damn woman, you’re beautiful…or anything else I thought might be flattering to hear from someone that I desired (what kind of desire would I want them to have for me?…then give it to myself first). But I MADE myself do that even on days where I was bloated, hadn’t brushed my hair or teeth yet, or my kids had wiped stuff on my clothes. I made an absolute refusal to criticize myself in the mirror and would only allow myself to be kind/positively affirming/or to hit on myself. Felt ridiculous at first. Yes. But now it’s not a habit for me to criticize myself anymore and you know, that actually feels so good. I spent my entire life not being kind to myself in the mirror and what an unnecessary burden I was placing on myself to treat myself that way. When you continue to lift yourself up and give yourself what you’re hoping someone else will give you, you won’t be looking for outside affirmation that you are desired or enough. And again, that will shine through and people will be attracted to that, and then you will end up seeing that external validation. However, I think it’s extremely important for people to give it to themselves first because if you do allow your confidence to rest in the attention someone else gives you, then its not stable and can be taken too easily from you. Working on yourself this way is going to make you unshakable.

lmfao ok I feel you. I will say that I have learned that *how* you say something makes a difference in how receptive someone is to hearing the answer. So on your end that really depends on how important it is to you for people to receive what you're saying in that moment. If you don't care, it's really not an issue. But if it's a matter where you really want to be heard, then how you pose the answer (or even reformatting it into a question to make them come to a specific conclusion themselves) can really make a difference.

What are you talking about?

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you! .... do you love what you see with yourself?

Thank you!

Thank you!

hahaha... lucky me! lol

hahaha.... lucky dresser, huh?

Well, there's actually nothing wrong with being alone. If you aren't happy being alone then I'd like to encourage you to think about what would make you happy in life. What are the things that you want to accomplish that would make you feel fulfilled before you die? We can't always accomplish all of those, but even if it's connection you're seeking, I'd first get connected with myself and start listening to my intuition, and putting myself and my self care first. And then do activities or volunteer work that allows me to connect with others in meaningful ways. Often when we give value to others lives, it can help lift us up in ways we haven't experienced before... just my personal experience.

Thank you!

hahaha thank you!

Thank you!

So… I actually have a lot to say here…too much to wrap up in a quick response and it’s time to get my kids lunch. But… I will say I struggled with body dysmorphia for quite some time and used to be heavier than I am now, even though I was eating healthy and doing what I reasonably could to work out. I set my intentions to love myself just the way I was and to appreciate myself, and I lost weight and got hotter after I started loving myself. I’m not kidding. But I couldn’t make loving myself about the way I looked. Every single person on this planet with morph and decay as they get old, if they don’t die first. If your looks are what make you pleased and confident with yourself, what in the world are you going to do in 20 years? You’ll be fucked. BUT, if you do the work to love yourself, I promise you that you will shine from the inside out and women will see that. AND when you work on loving yourself, providing your own happiness to yourself, giving yourself kindness and respect, you won’t take shit from anyone. You’ll be ready for a true good relationship. And that detachment from fuckery and not needing anyone else to make you happy, but rather ready to be in a relationship bc you both desire to compliment one another’s life…. Women will be all over you when you do that. Be dedicated to being your best self and knowing your worth, developing your character, and you’re going to be absolutely astounded. Much love ♥️