After reading an embarrassing amount of BDSMpersonals posts, it has come to my attention that plenty of people are quick to list off all the kinks and dynamics they like and want, but they rarely explain why. Well, in an effort to shake things up and connect with a partner on a much deeper level, I am going to break the mold and be unusually vulnerable as I explain not just what kinks and dynamics I like, but more importantly the deeper psychology that is the driving force behind these desires.

To start things off, I identify as a Pleasure Dom. Titles have vastly different meanings in BDSM depending on who you ask, so to clarify, I define a Pleasure Dom as someone who dominates their partner through overwhelming and sometimes forced pleasure (with pre-established consent). To put it even more plainly, I like being able to turn my partner on so much that she can't think straight, edge her until she begs for release, make her regret those words as I make her cum over and over again until she is so spent that she begs me to stop, and then remind her that “I decide when we are done” as I force her cum again (all with a safe word, of course). I also have a deep love for shibari both as kinky play and as an artform. As far as fantasies go, I love any CnC roleplay that involves body betrayal, hypnosis, or sexual peril. With all this in mind, now I will get into the more personal question of where do these kinks come from.

It is pretty clear that I like power and control. As a straight white male, I am a little ashamed of my privilege and I take immense amounts of care not to accidently insult, belittle, or hurt anyone I meet. So, dominating someone in play by calling them degrading terms like cum slut or fuck toy is an intoxicating release from the exhaustion of always walking on eggshells that comes from social anxiety. However, when you strip away all of the dirty talk, bondage, roleplay, and powerplay, you will find that all of my kinks emerge from a simple need. I desperately want to feel wanted. I want my partner to long for and lust after me just as deeply and insatiably as I will for her. When I am physically attracted to someone, my desire becomes like a junkie itching for his fix, and if I manage to form an emotional connection with said person, then it's game over. My heart melts into a puddle as she becomes the centerpiece of all of my thoughts and future plans. This is why I put so much work into staying fit, being a provider, and doing all that I can to make my partner happy. I want to be an indisputable catch, so I can genuinely make her just as crazy for me as I am for her. The silly little phrase I say is, “I like to keep my partner healthy, happy, and horny.” 

Speaking of which, this need to feel wanted is the source of all my fantasies as well. You will notice that all of my roleplays, be it body betrayal, aphrodisiacs, hypnosis, and the like, all revolve around making my partner orgasm. Well, that is because I believe that cuming is the most honest way a woman can show she is completely turned on and connected with her partner. When I am able to make my partner cum, it tells me without a shadow of a doubt that she truly wants me. Climaxing is an inherently vulnerable and sometimes embarrassing experience, so giving my partner the big O lets me know that I not only make her feel safe enough to let down her walls and lose control in front of me, but also that I make her so turned on that her body is lusting for me. It's the most gratifying feeling in the world and I honestly enjoy it more than cumming myself. That’s not to say I don’t want to pop, but to me it's more like a victory lap than the main event. Although I dabble in all the primary love languages in one way or another, my most meaningful is Acts of Service, and in play I believe there is no better service I can provide to my partner than making her experience the heavenly ecstasy that is “la petite mort.”

If you want a master list of all of my kinks, here yo go.

https://www.reddit.com/user/1d_SHiP_1t/comments/1ffd08v/my_kinks/