After more than ten years of life lessons learned through relationships, I can safely say that I have narrowed down my four necessities for a relationship to thrive. Yes, they are a bit general, but that's honestly because every person is different and I have learned plenty of times that you never truly know what you want until you experience it. However, I have learned that a lack of even one of these qualities will most certainly result in disappointment and eventually separating. So, in no particular order, they are Respect, Honesty, Humor, and Physical Attraction. 

Respect: 

I start with respect because it's the most vague but arguably the most important. It is essential that I feel my partner and I are equals. That's not to say that we can't have differences. One of us can make more money, be more popular, have a quicker wit, be more well read, etc. But both of us need to feel that we are bringing an equal amount of effort and passion to the relationship. We can disagree on plenty of things, but I don’t ever want to feel belittled or condescended by my partner, and take extra effort to make sure I never make her feel that way. I also need to know that I can rely on her support when times get rough (and not in the fun way 😔), just as she needs to feel that she can call on me whenever she needs. The jury is still out on whether or not I will want kids someday, but regardless I want to be confident that my partner would have the commitment, patience, and caring love that would make her a great mother, just as I strive to embody the character of a supportive, understanding, and heartwarming father. 

Honesty:

It’s probably a pretty common belief, but I don’t think any relationship where partners keep secrets from each other will ever last. The embarrassment, shame, or stress will eat away at you over time until you either explode in anger or slip away in apathy. As such, I need to be able to be an open book with my partner. Keeping with the theme of this profile, I want to be able to share all of my depraved and embarrassing fantasies with her, without worry of being judged or thought a creep. It’s fine if she is not a fan of all of them (I probably won't be into everything she likes), I just can’t handle feeling like I have to be ashamed of these thoughts and keep them locked up inside my head. This applies to outside of kink as well. Be it conversations about religion, politics, or any of the touchy subjects, having to avoid a topic because of the threat of an argument is no way to go through life. I have enough social anxiety as is… That’s not to say that there aren’t bad times to bring something up, or that social tact isn’t a necessity, but if I truly have to always steer clear of a topic, it will slowly drive me insane. 

Humor:

This one is pretty self explanatory. If I can't laugh with my partner, then what's the point of living? Let's face it. Life can be a stressful, frustrating, and oftentimes disappointing experience, so being able to laugh at yourself when you fall and not take life too seriously is essential to a healthy state of mind. Much like with honesty, if I feel like I have to walk on eggshells all the time because my partner has no sense of humor, I will snap. That’s not to say that there aren’t times when respect and reverence are due, but more often than not all of life's troubles can be lessened with a sarcastic remark or silly pun. God I love a dumb Dad joke. 😂 If you can make me laugh, then you have already won half the battle.

Physical Attraction: 

We hear all the time that there is more to a person than a pretty face, and that is one hundred percent true. As you can guess from this being on the bottom of my list, I fully believe that personality and character are more important for maintaining a long term relationship than good looks. However, it is ludicrous to pretend like they aren’t an important factor. In a healthy relationship, both partners should have a genuinely hard time keeping their hands off of each other. They should revel in the thrill of exploring each others bodies and sharing in the ecstasy from humanity's oldest form of entertainment. I genuinely want to lust after my partner, spending my days at work daydreaming about all the debaucherous things I plan to do with her when I get home, knowing full well that she is squirming in her chair at work doing the same. I want both of us to look at each other and think, “Wow! How the hell did I manage to nail her/him?” You don’t have to be a supermodel (lord knows I am no Chris Hemsworth), but I want to have a genuinely hard time keeping my eyes off of you, and I promise to push through every pull up, press, and squat, with the goal of doing the same for you. 

So there you have it. It may not be the most specific list, but those are the qualities I need to have a fulfilling and successful relationship. I do all that I can to live these qualities everyday, so I don’t think it’s unfair to ask the same from my partner. If you feel the same and think you can go four for four, then toss me a message. I would love to hear from you. 😉