I’ve been having a hard time on my TF journey, especially this past month.

My supposed TF (35f) and I (30m) had an amazing spiritual experience that left us feeling, “bonded.” After our breakup, I delved into the depths of religion to find answers of this mystical experience. The only thing I found that came close to our experience was a Kundalini Awakening, and that is how I discovered TFs at first.

We were together 5.5 years, it wasn’t perfect but it was beautiful. We struggled the last 2-2.5 years due to my own trauma and I kept doing this to push her away. This isn’t the first time either, within all of my romantic relationships, once I’m past the honeymoon phase, I start creating chaos within.

But with her it was different. We got together in 2018 and our honeymoon phase felt like it lasted years.

I pushed her too much and I’m afraid there’s too much damage has been done to repair this anymore…

I know she needs space and time to heal herself, and she also needs this time to miss me. We were conjoined since day 1.

I am still learning acceptance and letting go, this has been a huge part of my journey. Learning to forgive people for whatever it is they’ve done to betray me.

I prayed deeply and these felt these messages from God: I need to “do what I say I’m going to do” and “finish what you start” - I kept meditating and these message kept ruminating in my brain and didn’t feel like my thoughts. It felt like something was speaking to me inside my head, and I felt the presence of God.

The same God has already told me that my TF and I will inevitably end up back together. Writing this post completely contradicts my faith and beliefs, because I feel as if I know what I need to do, and I’m just not doing it. Plus, asking so many questions means I am doubting my faith.

So the question is, how do you really know this is your TF and not another Trauma Bond?

For me, our love was undoubtedly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced, and we were connected by the universe. It was everything I could’ve imagined, and more. It felt like a bond that could never be broken, until I learned the hard way.