Just a random urge for what I want with her since forever been seen lots of 111 333 444s over the last week or two.

I believe she's bipolar, schizophrenic a combination of both and perhaps even addicted to substances but I've not seen her for over a year. We've never had sex yet when she's around it's like bliss full of love and complete calm like I never felt with anyone else by a long shot. While also feeling the most extreme pushing of boundaries and resentment when things go south. Deep down she's the only soul I wanna connect with no matter how hard I try to deviate. She's very broken from her past and her upbringing, she can be very stubborn delusional and has a temper like no other yet I can't escape the urge to be one her soul.

It's been over an yr and I feel the uncontrollable urge to lay down beside her with just our birthday suites. Create a space of nothing but unconditional love and gratitude.... with my face right next to hers, noses touching feeling her every breath while her beautiful breasts pressed against my chest feeling her heart and her feeling mine ... we close our eyes just feeling each other's breath and our hearts will sync... while I slowly and gently stroke her cheeks with the back of hand using the tip of my fingers.... after doing this for a while and been in that loving space I wanna thank her for everything including the times she did certain mean things and truly mean it and then ask her why and what she was truly experiencing during those moments... I feel she will tear up and so will I ... I will get closer to her with our lips lightly touching .. me lovingly stroking the back of her head with the back of my fingers ...slowly kissing and licking her tears away and sobbing together as she explains what she was feeling from the most deep part of her soul ... with that we begin our eternal journey of healing together...

I might be delusional waiting for this fairytale to happen, but no matter how much I try to picture anything even remotely similar with anyone else while I really enjoy the sex it never really connects beyond that. But even when I think of her astrally and really home in on it, it's like my body just completely changes and feel tingles and weird vibrations but it's only with her. I have no fucking idea what to do, any guidance is very appreciated