I did some work on myself during separation and I didn’t speak the truth about all that happened during that time and lost them entirely it seems. Like perhaps never have them as a friend and definitely a partner. I love them with my entire being but I fucked up too much and now I’m stuck without them. Never say never some say but I had a 99999 appear during the last communication with them. Maybe they aren’t what I need in this life but I hope I don’t stay stuck where I am forever. I want them in my life and they do love me but they can’t stand me right now. I get it. I do. I miss her child and I miss her so much. How do I come back from this?