I already posted a few sentences in the daily thread, but thought I'd also introduce myself in my own post.

My name isn't Malika, that's just a character from a video game I am currently playing :-) I'm 32 and live in continental Europe. English isn't my native language.

My husband and I decided to try for kids two years ago. I first had to get off methotrexate which I'd been taking for my rheumatoid arthritis (and which is very bad to take firing pregnancy). Had my IUD taken out in November and I got pregnant right away, never even got my period. Miscarried right away as well, over Christmas 2014.

After recovery, I got pregnant again in the next cycle in February. The ultrasounds showed two gestational sacs but at 7.4 weeks there still weren't any heartbeats, so I had a D&C. At that point the husband and I decided to stop trying for a while, and I also started getting therapy for my dysthymia (low-level chronic depression, of course made worse by my general health and the miscarriages).

We started trying again in July 2015, and by September I was pregnant again. At seven weeks, there was a strong heartbeat on the ultrasound. At 8 weeks, it had stopped. Another D&C, and finally, some tests. Unfortunately, nothing has been found so far.

Well, not really nothing , as my TSH was too high during that least pregnancy. My idiot gynecologist never told me that could be a problem - he knew I have hypothyroidism and I even asked him whether this needed to be checked and he just saw no need. I am still so angry about that - I did get it tested by my GP in the end because I was worried and it was 2.7 that last week (didn't get the results until heartbeat had already stopped...).

I was and still am angry at that. I now have a new gynecologist.

We're now in the ninth cycle of trying for the fourth time. I am getting so frustrated and impatient... I know that a positive pregnancy test will trigger anxiety and worries, but at least then I can get that over with, you know?

Anyway, that's some of my story. I've been reading through the rules and a few weeks of posts and this community seems really nice, I'm glad to have found it!