I recently read a book about a teen boy having his memory changed so he’d forget that he’s gay. It made me think if I would’ve gotten that for being trans if I had the chance.

I feel whole living and being known as a man but my life would still be easier being a cis woman without dysphoria. I’m on the more alternative/feminine side and I’m gay. There’s this alter ego I have stemmed from the idea of never transitioning and living as woman. Sometimes I mourn this fictional person because it was a real possibility that I could’ve been while growing up before dysphoria had hit during puberty.

What if there was a procedure to forget the time you realized you were trans and had fake memories of you being the alternative version of you? The people closest to you would know about it and would help steer clear of you ever finding out again. Sometimes I wish that existed and I could go back in time and get it as a young teenager so I could try to form a new version of me as best as I can. But I can’t and that’s why I don’t regret my transitioning because detransitioning the way it works in the real world wouldn’t benefit me at all.