I have chronic self-harming issues, suicidal ideation, hallucinations, dissociation and other mental health symptoms that are becoming increasingly difficult to manage. we've tried everything we can think of to stop my cycle of 'getting better' in a short term mental hospital, staying 'better' for a while then crashing down very suddenly. I agree with my social worker and therapist that more intense, long-term treatment would be beneficial for me. The problem with that is I have no idea where to start on finding a place to help with the problems I'm having that isn't abusive and isn't a place that will do nothing for me.

My family, especially my mother, is having a very difficult time with this development. She's worried that I'll just get more traumatized, she's worried about insurance and cost, she's worried about all of it. I'm incredibly worried too, I know how scary these places can be and I have horror stories of my own about mental health resources. Due to the timeline of my short-term hospitalizations, my social worker mentioned at our last meeting that if I get hospitalized again it will most likely be at a residential facility. They sent me suggestions that I'll find if necessary. Despite being scared of millions of things related to long-term hospitalization, I genuinely do not think outpatient resources are helping anymore. I need intensive treatment and people nearby at all times at this point, I don't want that but I do believe I need it.

As of right now, I have until tomorrow when I have a meeting with my team to do prep. I'm trying to do research while I can and look for a place that might actually be helpful.

I'm incredibly frustrated and scared, my mother is too and because of that she's no help right now. If anyone has any ideas on what I need to research to make sure my experience isn't horrific, knows about genuinely helpful treatment centers in the North Carolina area or can just help talk me through this, I would highly appreciate it.