As a person who is sucker for romantic relationship and care from older / mature guys, sobrang bihira na ako mag-entertain ng mga ka-age ko (27M) specially straight dudes. Kaya siguro ganon na lang na-divert ang attention ko on finding mature men na may EQ, instead to mingle sa mga ka-edaran ko lang din.

So why dumating sa point na I question my self if ganon na lang ba ang worth ko as a person?

Lagi akong nakaka-encounter ng mga guys between 24-30, usually itong mga taong ‘to either randomly naging friend sa FB or super layong friends 0f friend. To name one, I had recent conversations with a guy na ex-boyfriend ng classmate ko nung highschool (2010), na out 0f nowhere messaged me. This guy is was a headturner nung first year pa lang ko and he look a bit matured now (matured as in parang stressemae sa life). Nagulat ako na he chatted me, na I posted something on his wall daw before, so then I recall on memories, I posted nga and I was young pa non since jejemon pa yung typing style.

As our conversation goes by, natutunugan ko na… manghihiram/uutang ‘to. Usual karakas ng mga straight kong nakakausap, specially alam nilang corporate gay ako (just for me to assume na usual target market nila yung may trabaho na). I directly ask his intention why he chat to the crap na pero after few days pa niya inamin na wala siyang panggatas sa anak niya (he is a single dad).

I ghosted and never replied. Okay lang sana magbigay ako but meh, di rin ganon ka-deep yung closeness namin. Now the thing is this, hindi naman ako naghihintay nang reciprocation lalo na pag straight guy ang unang nagchachat pero pang-ganun na lang ba ako, laging hingian nang Ji-cash, or hiraman after few conversations and bola-bola, is wala na? Ewan ko pero, sometimes that would really question my worth.

(Forgive my Nang and Ngs)