So, I guess I want to stop. But, tbh I really don't know, that's the shitty part about addictions, like I really enjoy the pain but I don't want to die. I suffer from eating/pulling at my hair and eating and picking my scabs. Because of this I've lost some friends but I still have my bf. I've suffered from Bfrbs since elementary school and I'm 22 now. I've been in and out of therapy for trich. as well as other things, sadly it hasn't relieved me from my issues , but I've had a lot of introspective psychdelica experience that have helped me with self-love , but not my hair pulling specifically. I'm not really wanting to go to therapy, but maybe in the future since I'm out of work. Like I said, I don't really have a big support system besides my boyfriend. My mom does love me, but can be very narcissistic at times and puts me down . In the past my mom would say that " I would pull my hair to upset her or hurt her". Nowadays she says " I look nice , but she wishes I wouldn't ruin my hair like that it looked so pretty" or not understanding why I shave my hair or just gets mad at me for the mess shaving my hair causes, but I can always just ignore what she tells me. But anyways, I'm just making this post to get my feelings out, its kinda all over the place. I guess I wonder if anyone has any ideas on coping with trichotillomania or trichophagia or body harm in general. Lately, I really can't stop picking at my scabs with tweezers and inspecting each hair and eating the follicles to the point I get nauseated or make myself cough it up. I know I can die from a trichobezor (especially since I don't have my small intestines from being a premature baby). I guess I'm playing with death, but I have before from drug overdoses in the past. It's crazy how resilient the human body is . I guess I'm semi-psychocatic masochistic mind likes testing my limits. Also I've just been in a emotional runt , with getting over my boyfriend's friend ghosting me and being a total bitch behind my back so that has been affecting my hair pulling. Also , just holding down a fulltime job, so my mom won't be mad at me for "doing my share" ( paying rent etc.) and college. I don't know how the average person deals with things without going insane. I really don't know if I want to give up hair pulling for good It's just the only thing that can really calm me down. ( I mean ik this isn't true) but my addict mind just needs to feel the sensation of pulling to feel calm. Or just any sort of picking, pulling , cutting sensation. Oof, reading this over I probably sound crazy but I'm really not lol.