I was 19 going on 20 when I first realized I was losing my hair. It was the 2nd day I had gotten back from a semester in London and I saw in the mirror my cowlick at the back of my head was more visible than usual. I had always had very thick hair, my nickname when I was 16 was Patrick Dempsey; at the gym Steven who worked in the office would call me Apollo, like the figure skater.  Self esteem and body issues were a huge issue as I was emotionally bullied by both my peers and my own mother. Nobody seemed to believe I was losing my hair as my scalp became more greasy and I'd find more hairs feathering my pillow and my fingers whenever I'd apply pomade to my hair. It was immensely uncomfortable and had only worsened by the time I was 22. I disclosed my terminal hair condition to a manager at work who was balding himself at 35 to try to confide in someone. He ended up making me feel.worse by making comments and yelling at me if I made a mistake at work, barking at me like dog. Even lovers didn't seem to understand as the comment often was "your hair seems fine, I think you're attractive just the way you are". Whilst it was reassuring, I knew eventually I would be treated differently. I could not escape the reality of my collapsing, diminishing youth. I lost more opportunities than I could count due to be anxious.

I believed I would no longer be viewed as a young man, I would no longer be treated with kindness or hit on by women, I would no longer have any joy in my life because I'd struggle to adjust everything about me just to feel "enough". I became a recluse. All I would do is work a shitty job, periodically go out on a date, and just wallow in bed. I abstained from alcohol, weed, and drugs because I did not want to fall into that trap. My body and mental state deteriorated to the point where I lost muscle mass. I didn't shower, I ate once a day, I ended up sick for 3 weeks in December 2018 where I didn't even remember anything other than my eyes hurting to light and trauma of waking up anxious because I could barely keep myself together at the thought of just wasting away asleep day by day.  Sadly, this would not be the first time I'd get depressed and completely derail my life and mental state but that's not the focus here. I want you to read this and feel stronger.

This is where I'm going to tell you no matter how much your mind wages war on you it does get better. It will never be the same, that's just the harsh reality of accepting something out of your control. I have been ghosted immumerable times by people on Reddit and elsewhere the moment they saw my photo or saw me wi5hout a hat. I can't tell you people in your support network will understand because some will and some won't ever as your struggle is not their's. Not everyone has it in their hearts to be empathetic to something so foreign as your identity being stripped. Most won't understand because it's taken for granted to be self secure. Some people will push rogaine or some other unorthodox solution innocently. There will and are people who understand. There are sufferers of alopecia at every age, orientation, gender, and point of history, it is not exclusive to men so take it as a fact there are people who are having the same problem and to not generalize and see the world as against you. Remember that you're a human being that cares about his appearance and prioritizes their grooming.

It does not make you less for wanting to try a hairpiece or hair restoration, I am just content with the easier of the long term solutions. Every time I put my grandfather's Gillette double edged safety razor to my head I wipe away all the dead skin, crusty sweat and hair and start anew that day. It's a pain in the ass, I cut myself every so often but instead of seeing it as a burden I see it as me taking control. There will be someone who finds you an attractive stud, irresistible even. Many people list Bruce Willis, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Vin Diesel as something to aspire to, you don't need to he them. I'm slightly skinny fat and financially insecure at the moment trying to claw my way back up and I get attention periodically. I promise you there is never a better day to love yourself than today.

I hope this helps any one of you struggling, I just wanted to tell people what I finally understood.

• J