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I stumbled upon this sub and I cannot tell you how happy I was to find a place that called TS out on her bullshit. And I want to share my TS story here, because I feel like this is the only place I can do so. This is a rant and itâs a bit long, but it is 100% true and showcases the kind of person she really is.
I used to be a Swiftie. I followed her from her first album all the way up until 1989. My first ever concert was seeing her on her Red tour. I felt like she understood me and cared about me, her music was important to me in so many ways.
When I was 11, I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. For anyone who doesnât know, AML is one of the most aggressive and deadly blood cancers that mostly affects older men. It was absolutely brutal on my body. I will forever have heart concerns because of the chemo they used to try and kill my cancer. I fell into a deep deep depression.
My care team at the hospital, and my parents, essentially signed me up for every kind of therapy possible to try to get me out of this horrible cloud of depression. I didnât like most of them, but I found I liked the music therapist and so I chose to do music therapy.
My music therapist found out I loved TS, and together we rewrote the lyrics to âShake It Offâ, which was really big at the time. Our lyrics were about âshaking offâ cancer. It was therapeutic.
But then as we talked about it more, we decided to make a music video. We got the entire hospital involved (down to the construction workers across the street) and they brought in a professional camera crew. I sang (horribly, I had cancer and my vocal cords were shot) and we made a video.
The PR team at the hospital sent the video out and it actually generated a substantial amount of buzz. It was an article on People magazine online, as well as FOX and the Daily Mail. It was several months before Taylor was due to come to St. Louis for her 1989 tour. I had tickets, but obviously was unable to go. It crushed me.
It was the goal of everyone to get her to visit the hospital, but I realistically (even as a kid) knew she probably wouldnât visit us while she was in town. But I still hoped sheâd send me something. A little note or a signed card or something to say that she saw me and she cared. After all, a large part of her image that she has cultivated is how much she cares for her fans.
Considering all the media buzz, there is no way in hell she or her people didnât hear about it. Period. And even though the hospital people were reaching out and everyone I knew was using their connections in some way to reach her or her people, it was complete and utter radio silence. Nothing. The concert came and went, she didnât visit, and I felt like the one person I admired most in the world didnât care about me.
Now for everyone who hasnât been to a TS concert, which I will guess is a great deal of you all, people who buy tickets at a certain level receive a kind of swag bag with merch before the concert (or they used to, I have no idea how it is now). A bag, some pins, a Tshirt, etc. I had received one when I went on her Red tour when I was younger. Itâs not a super special thing, itâs just random merch they give to people to incentivize them to buy more expensive tickets.
Several months after all this, I received a package through the mail (Iâm still in the hospital, mind you) and it was from TSâs people. I was so so excited. But all it was was the aforementioned generic crap. It was clearly a leftover bag because some of the merch was a bit defective, and sitting right on top of the bagâs contents were themed hair ties and barrettes.
Whoever sent this bag didnât give a flying fuck about me, they wanted me to shut up and stop asking for attention. They didnât even bother to check to contents of the bag to send me a tshirt that was my size or get rid of the horrific reminder that I have no hair. I made excuses for her for the longest time. âSheâs busyâ or âher people sent it, not herâ but screw that. She couldnât take the five seconds it takes to scrawl out a quick note to me?
When I tell Swifties this story, they often brush me off and say it wasnât her. It was her team or something. But did she not hire her team? Is she not responsible for those who operate under her name? I was downright suicidal and beyond depressed and the thought that this singer who I admired so very much would send me a quick little something was literally all I clung onto for months.
Yeah, I should probably let it go. But I wonât. It was an awful thing for a person to do, especially to someone who admired and loved you so much. Now sheâs even more popular and I canât avoid her popping up somewhere no matter what I do. I do my best not to dwell on it, but itâs hard when youâre reminded of that feeling so frequently. Iâm so sick of the people who worship her like a god or something when sheâs really just a selfish person.
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EDIT: I just want to clarify for everyone calling me entitled and that it was unrealistic for me to expect anything, I just want to clarify a few things:
I was in such a dark place mentally. I was a kid going through cancer. Making this video was what motivated me and helped me through a real dark time.
I was undergoing a bone marrow transplant. I am stuck in a room. Not a hospital, a room. I literally was not allowed to leave that room for months. They were doing construction on the hospital so there were bars on my window. I canât eat with anyone, so every meal I sit in my room alone. I have no privacy; Iâm not allowed a door or even a shower curtain. Anything touches the floor I canât touch. I had a breakdown when my teddy bear fell off my hospital bed one day.
All I had was Taylor and her music. All I wanted was something quick and kind. And I didnât receive anything for the longest time and I was upset but I moved on. And then in the middle of all of that, I get this thoughtless bag of crap that showed that they didnât even bother to take a look through it and remove anything triggering. It was so much worse than receiving nothing.
Losing my hair was so traumatic. I was in denial for so long and it fell out in chunks. I was embarrassed and lost. I didnât know who I was. But I had Taylor and her music.
So when I got that bag it wasnât âI wanted something betterâ or âthis is disappointingâ. It was a slap in the face. It was reminding me that I didnât get to go to the concert. That I canât take these hair ties and use them like every other fan. That the person who I idolized (I admit that was childish, but I was an actual child) didnât care. I knew she was big (reminding yall that she wasnât as big then as she is now) but I still thought she really cared about her fans. Again, thatâs naive but I was 11 and had seen so many PR posts about her helping her fans. Clearly I was wrong but I was a kid.
Until you know what that feels like I donât think itâs fair to sit there and judge.
This is not me being entitled. This is not a post about me complaining that I deserved special treatment because I had cancer. I am not saying she owed me anything. My issue was the thoughtlessness and carelessness of what happened. Iâm just venting in what I (hoped and assumed) was a safe place.
Thanks âșïž
Im really sorry to hear about that
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