I hate sex. After having a weird enmeshed upbringing with my parents and having my first sexual experiences all be coercive as a young teen I started seeking out situations I felt unsafe in and would preemptively initiate sex just to get it over with because I assumed it would go that direction anyway. Now, at 36, I still can’t seem to break that pattern. I’ll try dating on and off, but I never feel like I fully desire anyone I’m with. From my understanding some people become hypersexual after trauma and some shut down. I think I’m kind of in the latter category, even though I’ve gone through phases of putting myself in sexual situations. I never wanted to be there.

Im dating someone now. I never fall in love with the people I date. But I do like this person and they’ve been very respectful of my boundaries and there’s a lot of times we don’t have sex, which so far they have been ok with.

Is this something I can work through in relationship or should I be alone? Has anyone ever discovered how to be attracted to people after shutting down? I can feel attraction only to people from a distance. Like I can experience attraction to people I’d never be able to date or who are pulling away from me. But not people I go on dates with who I know would stick around.