I miss all the people I shouldn’t. My first abuser outside of family, my high school girlfriend. The way she made me feel like everything was my fault with her reverse psychology. The way she let her cousin degrade and yell at me despite him being the adult among us and me being the youngest. I think he got off on me and her. Two young lesbians fumbling around we obviously needed his stern hand and watchful eye. Why did he joke about seeing us both naked? Why did he take so much joy in teasing and bossing me around while I felt like I was in hell? He had so much fun instructing me on how to dominate her, his own cousin… even with her calling me mommy he joked about being our daddy. He was such a dumb and racist white guy and I didn’t understand it back then but we were both probably his sick fetish. Young Asian cousin and her even younger Black gf. Yea it writes itself. He made us docile for him. He constantly pointed out how much older and wiser he was (only 3-5 years smh) and it worked. He shut down any back talk after all. But that was nothing compared to the man over twice my age who defiled my barely legal flesh. Corrupted me with his gross old perversions. Tried to make me his daughter or niece. Told other people that’s what I was. Said he was proud of me for being a big girl for having my own place and job and being the adult I didn’t think I was. The adult he didn’t see me as. I’m about to cum though and I don’t wanna think of him. As if the next guy I’m thinking of isn’t the worst? Of course he is cuz I met him on here. I don’t remember if it was a rape sub or what but I remember him commenting that I belong on a rape/breeding farm. It turned me on so much. He was some charismatic abusive white guy who knew how to push a sluts limits. I was just starting to dabble in and explore fauxcest and him proposing to my Dad or big brother made me so happy. He reminded me of the abuser from earlier, the one who wanted to see me and his cousin naked. But this guy admitted to being evil. Mean, nasty, racist, misogynistic, etc. I don’t know why I keep thinking I can change or deal with these men. I just ended up embarrassing myself for him. Wrapped around his thumb submitting and saying things I never imagined I’d be ok with. He’s the reason I need rapey ageplay to get off sometimes. I hated ageplay. Idk how he got me to become a dumb pathetic little girl that begged for his attention. I think I miss him the most. And he’s the only one I can easily contact. It takes all my resolve sometimes not to unblock him and see what happens smh.