I don't like men. I've never been attracted to them even when I was a boy. I always felt they were "too much" for me, and always felt a bit off when I was around them, and never got too close to them as friends. That was solidified when I was 18, and I was experimenting with my gender.

I'd gone out in makeup and a dress, my hair done up nicely. I looked beautiful, I felt beautiful. I was out with friends and eventually we all split off, walking our on way home when a guy found me. He asked if I was okay, and needed any help, it was late and I was out in an odd place by myself. He kept talking to me and eventually I realised why, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. He'd got a knife out and gestured to me to start walking with him. He didn't want me to get close, not yet anyways, he just wanted me to go with him. When he'd found his spot, he told me to get on my knees, got his cock and decided my throat was perfect for him. He never even realised I was trans, never stripped me, just wanted to use my face.

He held the knife to my throat, sometimes moving it down towards my back, saying if he ever felt too many teeth, he'd make sure I never looked pretty for anyone else again.

I didn't like men, I still don't, but now I sleep with them. I need to be objectified, to be roughed up, to give them pleasure. It doesn't get me off, it doesn't feel good, but something feels right when I do it. Sleeping with men feels right, it satisfies something other than my sex drive and happiness. I like letting men exploit me, to manipulate me, to do what they want. I love when women do the same, and encourage me, and help me get better.