Blame it on the ADHD. Blame it on the trauma. But I feel like I have rape fantasy thoughts all of the time. Like Im sitting at work righting this. When I worked from home Id masturbate to rape on the clock. They say trauma makes you hyper sexual. Ive been accused of that 🤭. The thing is tho I don’t have a lot of sex in real life. I mean I definitely have it and enjoy it I am just picky.

Im not someone you would expect to have dark fantasies because I look sooooo innocent and sweet in real life. Im usually pretty soft spoken and shy too. But I will be talking to a manager and secretly wishing he would lure me into an empty office and rape me. I will be sitting on the bus daydreaming about the handsome stranger stalking me, cream pieing me and dumping my body on the woods.

Even with female friends I dream of rape. They introduce their boyfriends to me and I instantly wonder if they desire me. I just can’t help but imagine being sexually abused at every turn and Ive had non con fantasies for as long as I can remember. I think it’s a coping mechanism for early trauma.

It makes me wonder who else harbors dark secrets. Like is the sweet dating app guy secretly wishing he was forcing his cock down my throat while I sob and try to push away? Is the girl I met at a writing workshop planning on sitting on my face when Im drunk? Idk. We never can fully know everyone’s inner world and as a trauma slut I think that’s sexy.