Ive never been pinned-down-can't-escape raped. That feels real. That would make the triggers I have make sense.

Since I was around 9-10ish, I went on Omegle and would do explicit chats online. Ever since I'd learned about touching myself way too young and the concept of sex I was hooked. And i knew it was wrong. But I did the chats.

Then ShamChat, where men online would ask me to roleplay as a 12 year old (which, at the age of 10 felt soo mature), or younger. But I went on the sites.

And now I have all these fucked up kinks of wanting to be raped, used, an object, and stories of guys pushing my limits of consent--Not telling me they had an arrest for SA before doing a CNC scene with me, pulling a snuff kink out of no where when they were my ride home, going raw or cumming in me without explicit consent, continuing to go even when I couldnt verbally reply to their check-in.

But it's not. That bad. I freeze up from random triggers and the idea of a dick pointed at me makes me scared. And yet, I still want to talk to random people on line. I need that validation. Need the rush of being useful.

Make me useful.