I'm a good little feminist. I took courses at a women's university when I was in college. I support reproductive freedom, equal pay, all of the things. I present myself in an androgynous way, in terms of clothing, mannerisms, lack of makeup. I hate all things girly and dress-up. I want to believe that men and women are equal counterparts. I want to believe that women owe men nothing and that gender is a construct.

And yet in bed, I can't. When I'm faced with an older, stronger, Dominant man, I melt. I suck his cock and I'm overcome with this feeling that it's a uniquely feminine responsibility to care for a man in this way. That women are uniquely capable of fulfilling a man's every need, and that it is part of our innate drive to do so. A man gropes me or tells me I'm pretty and I suddenly forget that I love living alone and never want kids; instead I fantasize about being pregnant with his children, having dinner ready for him at 6:00 sharp, and keeping his balls constantly drained. I feel that I owe that to him, as a female. That it's natural for him not only to want it, but to take it by force if he must. It is his responsibility as a man, after all, to champion his own physical and sexual needs.

I'm conflicted. I'd like to chat with men who understand where I'm coming from– not just "alpha males" telling me to drop to my knees, but men who actually see the nuance and can have an intelligent conversation about gender and sex.