I’m not asking this for a specific person or experience in my life (although I can think of a few), really I just want to hear the perspectives of everyone here. The sluts, man or woman. The hunters, man or woman. The neutral witnesses. And everyone in-between.

I know we all have a certain facade or character we maintain. I’m not saying everyone does, I know some of us are genuinely sluts 24/7 or ALWAYS looking to abuse someone or whatever, but I can imagine a lot of us have two different sides: the “sluts”, the default, the standard, and then the true self behind that.

Looking at who I am at default, I’m a slut. I love women, I love the woman’s body, I love pussy, ass, titties, I love corrupting innocent women and getting women to cheat and all of that good shit. I love that. I love knowing I have that effect.

But deeper down, I’m a human, too. I like sports. I was a kid once, who liked to play hockey and wanted to grow up and be a firefighter, or whatever the fuck. I have insecurities, and flaws, and things that haunt me and keep me up at night to this day. I’m human. I care and feel with my heart and I want to have personal bonds and connections and people who care about me and text me first sometimes, or I text them first other times, and they show me a cute little animal they thought I’d like or they ask me how my day is or I send them a stupid meme that popped up on my socials that reminded me of them. I feel. I yearn. I desire love, platonic or romantic or sexual. I’m only a man.

It feels especially bitter when you connect with someone past who you are at default (for some, this is very easy and will happen almost immediately. For others, such as myself, I am a slut first and you really gotta dig to see who I actually am) and then suddenly the connection ends. Maybe they delete their account. Or they don’t see you like that anymore. Or they lost interest. Or they just… disappear.

No matter how much I try to run from my heart, it’s in my true nature to care and get attached and I honestly hate that. I love building genuine connections, especially with other trauma victims who understand and FEEL, one way or another. I want to find solace in your presence. I want to say “Thanks for checking on me” and you understand that’s my way of saying “I love your presence in my life. Please never leave.”, even if that’s never verbally said out loud, it’s inherently understood.

I rambled a lot. But I like writing. It’s fun. It’s 3:30am here at the time of this post and I’m yearning and my mind is racing and screaming and pleading for all the connections time has claimed.

I’d love to hear from other people, even if it’s one comment, or a personal DM you don’t want to share publicly. Just anyone else’s perspective would be nice.

“I let go of my claim on you, it's a free world. You’ll look down on where you came from, sometimes.

But you'll have this place to call home, always.”