I’ve written in here before and talked about what happened with my friends father. When the abuse was happening I was thin and young, he was older and had a really big belly and wasn’t very attractive. I think part of what I realized about the situation was that I was completely humiliated by the fact that this old fat man was seeing my pussy and making me feel good. Eventually he taught me how to suck him off. It was the first penis I’ve ever done that to.

If I meet an older man now I need to be ashamed of it. I need to feel bad about myself while it’s happening. I want to feel pure shame and embarrassment at the fact that I have an older man’s cock in my mouth with his belly resting on my head. I need to feel total disgust with myself after I spread my legs and let an older gross man make me cum.

I remember meeting up with one of his friends for “gifts” sometime a couple years later. I let him lick me and got lost in the feeling. I could feel myself about to orgasm and I told myself and my body no. I tried to stop it. I opened my eyes just as I was orgasming and saw his naked body and bald head with his tongue rapidly licking me. The shame washed over me as my vagina spasmed. Everything about the situation was suddenly not hot anymore and utter shame and humiliation washed over me. I grabbed my clothes so fast, Studdered “omg what am I doing?” And ran out the door so fast. I walked home, my cheeks burning thinking about my normal friends and their normal lives. How disgusting was I. I came.

That’s the feeling I’m after. Can anyone relate? Does any man want to make a girl feel like that? I am such a dirty disgusting slut for wanting this.