I feel like I see a lot of other women posting on here feeling guilt about the fact that they experience sexual arousal when remembering their rape.

I often cannot tell if y’all are serious or if you express guilt because it plays into the shame aspect of this kink for some people.

But am I really the only one who genuinely is not guilty at all about it? I’m not upset that this kink has developed in me because of my rape. I do not feel like my arousal is “proof” that it was “my fault”. I do not feel like I am “broken” as a result of it (though it’s hot to me to be called broken when I’m actively roleplaying). I am not interested in vanilla sex at all and I don’t think I’m less-than because of it. I know exactly what I want. I have interpersonal boundaries and I’m very very picky and assertive naturally. I know that my sexual disposition does not mean I need to expect lower quality partners. Or that I need to tolerate genuine disrespect in order to get the kind of sex I want.

I did not want my rape. I am very neutral about the actual sex-acts that took place during my rape. I mean, even for rape he was selfish LOL.

To me, the psycho-sexual complex I developed from my rape is so neutral. Just a trait. My life is normal. I go to work. I do the dishes. I have strangers choke me and leave me bruised. I go to the gym.

CNC to me is like getting a massage.