I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable. I try to be normal but the kink brain takes over and makes it all about that, always. I don't think I could be an average loved person because I just don't know how to make shit work without feeling triggered or without it being fucked up sexually.

I don't like dealing with these triggers, I am trying hard not to ghost or just throw entire connections away but I just can't help it. I find anything to sabotage relationships because I feel like a monster in my own brain prison.

I think I'm just meant to be unavailable because every time I get closer to someone I just get grossed out and disgusted after a while.

I wish things weren't so scary but I never got taught safety in emotions. It's just chaos. My moods change within minutes sometimes. I can't even keep up with myself most times.

Just venting ig. Brain broken again.