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It's not like I've never considered kinkier stuff before, but ever since being traumatized I've been into more and more extreme stuff. Heavy bdsm, bondage, CNC, pain play, electricity play, doing stuff in public... Stuff where my wellbeing is not a concern at all.
The way I think about it is that stuff that happened to me was so extreme that my brain had to push it out into something also extreme but comparatively harmless. And it's empowering, in a way - turning the damage from an awful event into something I can enjoy.
But I don't know... I keep fantasizing about being kidnapped, and played with. Hell, tortured. I have a deep craving to be transformed into someone's plaything, to the point that I no longer enjoy it. For my only value as a living being to be the torment I can experience on the hands of others. Denial, pain play, tickling, extreme bondage, electricity, anything. I'm broken, I know... But it doesn't stop me from craving it, even if I know I'd regret it if it ever happened
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- 6 months ago
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- reddit.com/r/traumatized...
Can confirm, not alone 🙋♀️