sorry about the amount of posts i've made today, this place is like my new favorite traumadumping area. anyway...

ive always had a fantasy about being severely harmed to the point of death. i think for me it's the factor of being ultimately victimized, no one can really blame me anymore– i'd be the perfect victim. i think it stems from my first rapist dunking my head underwater and choking me without warning. i remember i started to slip unconscious, and the last few thoughts i had was that i'd be fine dying if it was him.

there's a comfort that comes when death blankets itself over you for a moment, the silence washes you over and your thoughts cease to exist. i stopped fighting and i went limp, and even death dominated me. i still love the feeling of being choked, but nothing will compare to that first time, it was true fear and acceptance because i had no idea what his intentions were.

my whole life ive been a "survivor" of these things. i want to be immortalized as a victim and remembered as an innocent angel who didn't know any better, rather than the selfish girl who offed herself because she couldn't handle the reality of rape.

also this guy is serving a twenty year jail sentence so he's not on the loose if that concerned anyone LMAO 🤙 also disclaimer this is fantasy im not actively seeking snuff meetups !