Basically due to all my medical issues I just see myself as some sort of undead monster. I feel deformed and unwelcome. Plus, I’m reliant on a source of life basically that if I don’t have I’ll perish. I just can’t see myself as anything but a work of evil.

I wish I could feel differently but everything reminds me of how much I don’t belong and how I should’ve just died. How I should just be dead.

I guess maybe I’m just angry because I don’t see a point to being alive now or before my organ failure. Why was I here on earth at all? What a waste of life I was and what a waste of existence I am.

Sometimes I think I’ll just stop taking my meds or runaway into the wild. If I can’t exist in healthy way what good is my time?