Background: 22 Year Old AMABA, Questioning since around 2018, Started HRT October 2022, I was admittedly a bit unstable with my mental health till June when I started low dose mirtazpine. However, I did start at a full dose of HRT & my mental health was shaky a couple months before E - in hindsight i probably shouldn’t have started at that particular time.

Changes have been slow so far, however none have felt wrong. The issue I find is I am fairly neutral in terms of social transition. I’d rather be andro or tomboy than a women I feel. In part it’s cause I think women is unrealistic, but also at the same time, not something that is consistently an interest in mine.

I have at times considered stopping E, HOWEVER that was directly connected to when I had mental health episodes. As in ‘I don’t deserve this‘ rather than ‘I hate this why am I doing it’.

A worry I have is I will join the small number of people who stopped hrt after a couple years and decided they were cis. Though, it seems some of them had ulterior motive like stopping hair loss (which is frankly ludicrous).

I am on E as I want softer skin, less body hair, genital changes etc. Breast growth I’m indifferent too so far, and I’ve defo had some but without a bra it’s not noticeable. Sometimes I wish I had more growth, other times I don't care haha. Fertility I’m completely indifferent to and fully aware of HRT’s effect on it.

One unexpected change is a huge reduction in how easily I get agitated.

I decided to go self med route due to NHS wait times and spent weeks researching across dozens of sites, close friends who know I self med (family think it’s private) and medical professionals like my GP are often surprised by my knowledge. The default position is tell you to stop, but most of them know that isn’t gonna happen so don’t try and gaslight me.

Despite the costs I made sure I got blood panels, admittedly I only did it twice a year, rather than the 3 months ideal, but at the same time my dose has been steady. And then I spent the past 3 months chasing the doctor to do my blood panels as harm reduction and finally got an email last week saying they where willing to, and I have an appointment on Friday to discuss. Not sure why I need an appointment, maybe it’s because i haven't seen the doc in person since I started hrt over a year ago and they probs wanna be nosey and see how things are. Idk

Bit of a vent there. Anyway, any advice, how do i know I’m not a cis person who will eventually decide to stop hrt?