I’m 57and a transbian. Growing up, my best friends were lesbians (even though I only found out much later) and I was attracted to lesbians (although, being clueless, it didn’t click until I asked them out.) I studied Womyn’s Studies at Sarah Lawrence, moved to Seattle, and ended up working at a lesbian bookstore collective. When I moved to NYC, my friends in a womyn-only coven made me an honorary woman so I could join.

My whole life I’ve felt more comfortable around women, but growing up in the 70’s and 80’s gender dysphoria was not a thing that anyone ever talked about. There was one tennis player who had what she called a “sex change.”

About 7 years ago, I was at a DEI Conference and an Asian participant (I swear that’s relevant) came in on the first day in this gorgeously tailored suit and presented as very traditionally masculine, and the next day in a kimono with makeup that was stunningly on point and presented as very traditionally feminine. A penny dropped. It had never occurred to me that such a thing was possible.

It took me 4 years to build up the courage, but I started wearing wonen’s clothes exclusively when I turned 54, and my first minidress at 55. It felt better but not quite right, and then just as I turned 56 I realized I was trans. 4 months later I was on HRT and just hit a year about 2 months ago. I have teeny little boobs (mounds really) that just came in about 3 months ago and make me ridiculously happy.

I know I’m a femme, and most likely a soft femme though I am still figuring it out. As a man, I was very dominant, and while it felt good, it also felt like a headspace I had to get into - it wasn’t natural. I’m not looking for an outwardly defined Dom/sub relationship, but rather the sort of energy exchange I see in butch/femme relationships.

What I’m NOT looking for is Dom Mommies, any sort of humiliation or degradation, or paying someone to be around them. I cast no aspersions if that’s your thing - - a girl’s gotta eat. It’s just not mine.

Yes, I have male parts. No, I don’t intend on getting surgery. My dysphoria, such as it is, has never been about my body, but always about the cultural assumptions and limitations that come with maleness.

I’m currently in Pennsylvania. While I would move to a blue state for a job, it’s equally likely that if I move it will be out of the country. As I’m in an ENM with my primary partner (we’ve been together 13 years), I can’t just pick up and move — and refuse to move to any other red state. Whatever this might be, it needs to start slow, and I’ll need your patience.

I hope this description of who I am and what I want strikes a chord with someone, and if it does please reach out.