This will be somewhat lengthy so I apologize. I’m a 32 year old trans woman. I haven’t transitioned at all, I can’t afford makeup. I did find a service that will assist me in paying for HRT, but I’m trying to “do the right thing” as it were and wait until after my brothers wedding because I come from a very religious family in Texas, I do also consider myself somewhat religious but that’s not really relevant here. I have come out to my brother and his fiancé, who have both been nothing but supportive, another reason why I’d feel terrible if I started a whole bunch of drama for them before their wedding or at it. People saying well if “he’s” (what they would say) there I won’t be, choosing sides, etc. I’ve also come out to my mom and dad, who more or less think it’s “the devil” and have said that they’ll always love and support me, and they won’t abandon me, and I feel ungrateful even complaining because I know that’s so much more than a lot of trans people have. It’s feeling alot like I’ll never be truly accepted by my own family. My mom, when talking to me on the phone continues to use my, I hate to say dead name, because I’m out to so few people it’s hardly dead, and refers to me as her son. I’m trying to understands it’s hard for her based on how she was raised, and that she’s trying, and that she’s not doing it to be vindictive or make me feel bad. The dysphoria is unreal. I deliver food for a living, sometimes I have to go to Chick-fil-A, and if you know of that company and things they’ve done, nothing more need be said about why it’s hard. The only thing that makes me feel halfway good about myself is I go in this chat room, and I put selfies on there that are of me, but edited with the gender filter on FaceApp. And chatting as the woman I feel like I am. The people there know I am trans and haven’t transitioned and those pics aren’t “really me” etc. The only other thing that helps is shaving my body, which I have been doing. I’d like my hair to be long but it’s growing so slowly, only just now to the bottom of my ears. I have no hope. No one to talk to, except my mom who I already know how she really feels so that really only helps for venting purposes. I guess I just need some encouragement today, because right now I’m not seeing any way out of this or for me to be the woman I am. It’s financial constraints, social constraints, fear, just all of it. Thank you for reading.

Also, my chosen name is Victoria, it would affirm me more than you know if you could use it. Thank you.