Standard on mobile thing: for at, typos, blah blah blah.

Growing up I never thought I would have to be worried about being lynched. I never thought I'd have to be worried about where I could live within my own country so that I was less likely to be murdered for simply existing.

I'm pretty open about the fact that I'm transgender, although I've been told that I am cis-passing. "I would have never guessed/known!" gets thrown around when I first come out to people.

Now, I'm considering taking a higher position within the company I work for, and that would include moving to a new city, and very possibly a new state. I'm used to moving around, but this will be the first time that I've done somewhere new since I came out just over 2 years ago.

It's terrifying because I realize I have to worry about those things that I never had to worry about before. Plus, I'm not the only one who would have to deal with that: my wife (who I legally married in December) will as well. In the past, I've had the support of almost everyone I worked with and several nearby friends. In this situation I will only have my wife.

On one hand, I won't have to disclose my status to anyone except my boss, and even then I only have to because my legal documentation (name and gender markers) hasn't been changed yet. Which is of course exciting.

On the other I'm not sure what to expect. I'm not sure how long it will take to get the doctors I need, find an adequate place to live, etc. It's a big unknown and absolutely terrifying.

This decision is still months away though, but it was put before me recently and I've been having trouble not freaking out about it when I have enough time to get inside my own head.