Cis people who try to be trans-positive often do subtle transphobic things without realizing it. And that's what I find really hurtful & hard to address. So this is partially venting, and partially wondering about strategies & solutions.

For example... a lot of my social circles are really aware of correct pronouns. But the huge problem is that they seem to think shifting one word in a sentence suddenly makes them an ally. Like pronouns are the only form of transphobia to think about. Or that flying a trans flag means they can't be transphobic.

From my perspective, even so-called allies still either exclude trans people or fetishize us. We can be seen as super interesting and enlightened, worth promoting just because we're trans... Or we get avoided (yay cis in-crowd) and hidden away. And it can switch from one to the other! We can start out being treated as perfect individuals, then get shunned shortly after. Or some kinds of trans people get worshipped and other trans identities get put down.

I never know what to do about that. But it hurts a lot. Especially when trans flags and correct pronouns are flaunted. It makes me wonder if I should be more visible or less visible - I doubt my own sense of self. Any ideas, or just shared experiences?