You grew up knowing something wasn't quite right.. you couldn't exactly figure out what it was, so you internalized it. And year after year of this literal ache in the pit of your stomach you finally accept that you may be transgender.. only now it's too late. Now you have a wife and kids.

It's the sole reason I stay up late I night, as if I'm mourning a life that will never be. I knew to an extent when I got married, but as stated, I internalized it like so many of us do. I'm not looking for sympathy, but I would like to know if anyone else feels the same way. Is there anyone else in the same boat?

It hurts so much. But I have to grin and bear it for them. But I'm not the person I want to be. Often times I'll fantasize about being in my wife's shoes. Not literally, but figuratively. To have a man to rely on. To be the stay at home mom. To be pursued the way I pursue. To for once look in the mirror and not see a dumpy man looking back at me. I'm tired. Tired of not feeling as feminine as my true self needs me to be.