Hello everyone. I don't know what I am. I've been indentfying as gender fluid for the past year or so. I'm pretty sure I'm a trans women. No I know I am. God this is hard.

I don't hate my assigned gender about 50% of the time but more and more lately I hate every part of my gross masculine body. The stupid amount of body hair I'm cursed with. It's a lot and it's thick and dark everywhere. I fucking hate it so much.

I look at the thing between my legs and I used to be proud now I hate it. A constant reminder that I'm very male. It's ugly, it hurts when I'm turned on, I hate masturbating with it...I don't wanna go on about it.

I've been growing my hair out long and I love it, I get compliments on it occasionally but it's always compared to so and so male actor with long hair.

I'm out as gender fluid at work but aside from occasionally wearing a bow on my hats (have to wear a hat for work) I don't really do anything gender affirming and I don't know where to start.

Honestly I'm not sure why I'm posting here, I don't even know if I'm breaking any sub reddit rules and if this will even make it to the sub.

I'm scared I guess. I've been a lurker for a long time and seen how positive this place can be. I'm not alone I do have some support and a good amount of people I'm out to. Maybe I just need someone with an outside perspective.

This wow, got way longer than I expected. Hi again.

Jessica.