Why would someone who has stated they loved me, abandon me after me getting overwhelmed and getting walking in front of a SUV?

I didn't remember much waking up in an outpatient center and even then the person who has cherished me before and even stated they promise a loving end abandon me just because I did something they hated? It was a very happy distant relationship I thought but, now I feel like my whole life ended in one night I barely remembered. The worst part was trying to reach them over and over at first before realizing,

He said he couldn't commit to a relationship that day before I went in for a brain bleed surgery 😱 I didn't even remember that for a week. For context he has stated for the past 7-8 months he loves me but just left instead of being there when I needed him the most 😞 I didn't even remember mostly and just felt extreme pain by knowing I hurt him and the best part,

I can't even think about harming myself anymore because everytime I try my brain members the pain I put everyone I hold dear in pain and just drops the thoughts before sending me chest pain.