Possible Trigger.

I am trans (mtf) and I discovered this a few years ago. I am one of those “soft” and “girly girl” kind of girls. At least, I want to be.

I came out to my mom and dad. I was yelled at and told that I’m not. That I am doing it for attention. Then, I decided that I’d feel better if I told my friends. So I did. This, again, didn’t end the way I wanted it to. They all know, but don’t respect it. They don’t call me by the name I wanted them to. They still call me he/him. The only exception is my best friend who kind of respects it, but not all that often.

Trying to feel more comfortable with my own body, I considered buying a dress and make-up. When my sister saw what I was looking at, she told my mom, who stopped giving me my allowance. I decided that I’ll get a job to help me with finding myself. Once I got my first pay check, my dad told me that I should save up for university and told me I’m not allowed to spend any. I don’t dare spend any because I know what could happen if he found out.

This is awful. All I went is just feminine clothing, a feminine name and to live like a female. But no. No, of course I’m not allowed. I feel trapped. What do I do? Does anyone have any advice? I could really use some.