Hey y'all. I've been considering going back into the closet for a while, because... Well, all the stuff going on where I live in America. I was able to escape Florida thankfully, though my current state really isn't that much better, and I've just been feeling plain scared lately. I've been out since 2014. When I turned 18 I immediately got on testosterone, but had to go off and on it several times because I was struggling to afford it (insurance hardly covered anything for it, I was paying $90 out of pocket depending on which one I was using, I ended up being allergic to most of the carrier oils for the injections, and I was using the gel for a while- I've been off of it for at least a year as of now, completely not by choice because I was struggling with job insecurity, then I moved, and now I'm struggling to find a doctor, so I just feel fucked no matter what). I think going back into the closet will completely ruin my mental health, but I'm scared stiff. People are getting, and have been, extremely vocal with their transphobia. I don't think it would be much better being forced to live as a woman (I'm AFAB). I just don't know what to do. I'm scared for my safety. I'm scared for my friends safety. I'm scared for the safety of all of my trans siblings. I don't think my teenage self would recognize me- I used to be so loud and proud (I'm still proud, but I desperately want to be stealth nowadays). Now I feel like I'm living in fear. I can barely look at the news, because a new horrible law is passed practically every day, and it makes me feel so sick. So I've been considering just going back into the closet. I'd be beyond completely miserable, but with everything going on, I feel like it would just be safer that way, at least until I can continue my transition. Geez, writing all this is just making me feel more sad and hopeless. I hope everyone else is doing okay... As okay as you can be, all considered. Or holding up better than I am, at least. I just needed somewhere to get this off my chest... Thank you for listening, anyone who cares to read this far. ❤️