Hello. My name is Lily. I’m 33. Trans woman.

A bit about me to better understand my situation. Started coming to terms with my identity around 25. Started HRT in 2020. Spironolactone 200mg daily, Estradiol 6mg daily, and Finasteride 5mg daily. I started working as Lily a year ago. I don’t really dress/appear very femme. But I think I want to. I’m pretty sure my dysphoria is a huge factor why I’m not. Don’t want to be judged, don’t want to seen lol. I’m worried I won’t look cute. I don’t know if I really care about passing, but for some reason I still want to look cute.

I don’t know any Trans people in person. And very few Queer people. My support group is really just a few people. No family. I, unfortunately, live back with my parents, so…it’s hard to even feel comfortable leaving my room in anything perceived as feminine.

I feel really dysphoric. Scared of being myself in front of people. I am starting a second job soon and I’m scared of seeing how this job handles me being trans. So far, I’ve been really lucky, but you never know. My main dysphoria comes from my body hair, which has lessened but I can’t afford laser hair right now so I mostly shave my arms/chest/face daily. Legs are something difficult. The act of shaving activates my dysphoria so I mostly just wear pants at all time and out of sight, out of mind.

I have a really awesome therapist. She doesn’t specialize in gender identity but she has a lot of experience with trans patients. She’s mostly helped me with trauma related stuff.

I don’t know if I should find a gender therapist specifically? I would have to figure out how to get to one because there’s none in my small town.

I’m just making this post to just ask…help? Any recommendations? Should I change my HRT prescriptions? Should I just eff people and wear what I want at work? Should I get my hair done? Any tips would be so helpful.