Ive been emotionally in the dumps from living at home for 2 years now (pandemic woo) and it’s an unending cycle of my mom hurting me and I have been lashing out more recently. I stay in bed all day and avoid my family because I just don’t want to see them to avoid any problems. I do nothing all day that is like societally positive like having a job or going out due to my autoimmune disease. I have been wanting to call and reach out for physical therapy and a therapist and a psychiatrist but i always wake up so tired and I have bad insomnia. I want to get better i just feel stuck.

Anyways, my mom tried to approach me and basically force me to talk out my behavior with them. She always wants to fix problems asap / push things under the rug and to do that she oversteps boundaries and doesn’t listen or respect what I have to say.

I said to her i cant do it right now bc i wanted to shower.

Then she was like id rather do it on my own sched cuz i work and I do not only need to take a shower.

And i said im not ready to talk about it.

And then she kept on asking when will u be ready. She kept on asking because she didn’t like my answer of “i dont know.”

And i kept on saying and audibly getting louder saying im not ready to talk about it because im angry and i started yelling leave me alone mom after she kept on asking and asking.

She just kept on saying that and she was like im coming at you like an adult and i told her to leave me alone bc i hate when she says “im an adult blah blah act like an adult too blah blah.”

I just kept on screaming that im not ready to talk and leave me alone.

I once asked does she respect me / respect that i dont wanna talk. She didn’t respond to that.

And i was so angry and frustrated that i started crying and i plugged my ears bc she obviously doesnt wanna leave me alone.

And as i cried and like held my ears she talked and eventually she left.

I just feel again helpless and my existence is nothing.