This all happened very recently and I know I will not be catching any sleep today.

Personally, I am not religious, I am leaning between agnostic and atheist. The problem is that my mother keeps forcing religion down my throat and has been ever since I was a child. It was not a problem at first, as I was a child who did not know any better and thought that this was how all families spend their Sundays. Now I am going on 19, I would like to explore my spirituality and myself as person so I want to stop partaking in going to church. It does not coincide with my beliefs and I just dont like doing it overall. I do respect religious people and if that is what floats your boat, go ahead, but for me to not follow the cultural norm of being religious like everyone else around here, seems very unlike me to my mother. Yet she lets my older brother and father do whatever they want on a Sunday but because I am a girl, I must go to church? Her words, not mine.

It is because I used to let her control me, and berate me into going to church. Even when I never wanted to. I was forced to, and still am currently. Every Sunday was always so tear-jerking and heart-wrenching. Being so controlled by someone who you thought cared about your mental wellbeing, but only cares if you look like the perfect "daughter"(I am non-binary). It is only a matter of time until she disowns me. I am very scared at the moment. Only a few minutes ago she was knocking at my door. Probably going to take my gadgets away. I bet she would. Trying to get back at me. And for what? Me just wanting to not go every weekend to church? And she is incredibly homophobic. I am a genderfluid pansexual and I know I can never come out to her.

It is just everything she does. Forcing me to do a course I do not like. Forcing me to dress like a "proper" woman. All this manipulation, turning me into someone I am not. I know this isnt the worst of the worst. I am lucky that she hasnt inflicted any harm onto as of yet. But anything can happen.

I am scared of living in my own home. She just told me to start fending for myself if i want to start "acting like her age mate", when all I am trying to do is be in charge of my own life and choose my mental wellbeing over her own selfish desires.