If you have a shit family you know. Holidays are the fucking worst because everyone else seems to harp on you "Aren't you going to spend time with your family? Why not?! MY FAMILY IS AMAAZZZIINNGG!" I am thankful for the people that understand yet there are those who don't. They seem to think that you should make up with your family. Make nice and spend time with them you don't know how long you have. Fucking hell! How am I supposed to make nice and be nice to them when they haven't changed all that much? Sure they've mellowed out some as they got older. They're still pretty shitty to me. Why would I want to spend $300-$400 for a round trip ticket to see them only to get berated, looked up and down, judged, etc? Seriously, spending time with family on the holidays is like going to a Christmas party with coworkers. I don't know if people really understand. Mine go off into the corner and talk to each other about rumors and other people's business. Some make off hand "suggestions" that I never asked for. They "tease" but not in a gentle light ribbing way. It's more like passive aggressive bullying. They're very mean and spiteful. If I ever try to engage with the family you know be all goofy like they are I get shut right the fuck down. It's like why do they get to act that way and I don't? They wonder why I don't really reach out and talk that much. I'm thankful for the family that I do have that are actually decent and respect me. It's just hard sometimes dealing with the shitty part of my family. Sorry I get very emotional and intense when talking about some of my family. I wish I could stop caring what some of them think or let go of the idea of getting their approval. It's a weird situation I know. It's like I don't like them but I still try to get their approval for whatever reason. I know I never will make them truly happy with anything I do yet I still try thinking it will work somehow. That somehow they will change, actually like, and respect me. I try and see the good in them but there's that pervasive part in me that knows they're just going to act like bullies. They still treat me like a teenager even though I am 35. All I want is to be listened to not shut down and dismissed. Hell has a better chance of freezing over than certain people in my family changing.