My grandmother (dad's mother) died several years ago now. She passed away on my birthday of all days. I know that most people have no control over the day they die really.

Anyways I've been mulling over sending a letter to each of my uncles telling most of them how horrible they were, how they enabled her to treat me, enforced her strange controlling rules, etc. My grandmother was incredibly abusive towards me from the age of 8 to 18. It only got worse once my grandfather died. My dad wasn't able to care for me even though he had custody. He has schizophrenia and now he's in a nursing home because I can't care for him.

I felt cheated at my grandmother's funeral because no one except my mother acknowledged my grandmother's flaws. Everyone else was saying how wonderful my grandmother was. They talked about how selfless she was and how she dedicated herself to raising 8 boys. Yet they ignored things such as she was controlling, manipulative, abusive, etc.

Shall I go into the things she did? I think so! She would slap me, throw punches at me, scratch me, pin my arms behind my back, etc. She would say really nasty things about my mother when I seemed like I showed more allegiance to my mom than grandmother. She locked me out of the house and made me go work outside in the garden. She would constantly be at the windows watching me work tapping at the window if I stopped to adjust the radio or take a break. If I "didn't work enough" I would be told I didn't earn my shower/bath or lunch/dinner. My grandmother collected social security checks on my behalf and child support payments from my mother. Yet I couldn't have a dollar here or there for an ice cream at school or something. She had a really hard time just letting my mother in to visit me. One time I had to fight to get my guitar out of my own house so I could bring it to my mom's place. She would make it so I couldn't go upstairs to my room often blocking the hallway or the doorway to the upstairs to keep me downstairs. My uncles often acted like her secret police enforcing her will. They would threaten to ban me from public benches so I couldn't have a place to sit and get away. They would threaten to tackle me and tell me things like they can read me like a comic book. The library was literally one of the few places I could go and be somewhat safe from my grandmother. She would want me home by 5 for dinner even if it wasn't ready. If I stayed later she would call the library up. I wanted to just stay at the library as long as I could.

Look I'm not saying I wasn't a shit sometimes but when you're literally trapped in a house with a controlling abusive woman you would fight, shout, and swear back too. I just want to feel closure. I just want my uncles to acknowledge that my grandmother wasn't a saint. I want them to say "sorry we fucked up that we weren't there to protect you." Just something...

I just don't know if I should do or say anything. I don't know if my uncles will even acknowledge anything or care for that matter. After all it's like I don't exist to them most of the time or they want to know something or talk to me when they're bored. Basically whenever it's convenient for them. In some ways I feel like it will make things worse. I just want closure and to feel validated. For the longest time whenever I would say anything about what my grandmother did my uncles wouldn't listen. They hardly acknowledged her shitty behavior and it felt like I was unreasonable and crazy and she was some perfect woman. It's just fucked up...