Looking for advice (please be kind).

TLDR: do you handle toddler tantrums with gentle reinforcement or harsh words and gestures?

My partner and I are first time parents. LO is 2.5 years old and the tantrums for real have begun. My partner and I disagree on parenting styles when these come on. I'm a big believer in being firm, gentle, and consistent: when she's throwing her body around I hold her and keep repeating what I've said (no juice, no milk, we will sit here until you calm down). Partner likes to go straight to 'I'm about to whoop ass' and handles the tantrum for 60 seconds tops and then walks out.

Tonight, we had a BIG meltdown over brushing our teeth. Now for context, today has not been great. LO has a stomach bug and has not eaten or drank hardly anything today. It's been rough. Throwing up every other thing, in hysterics. I worked from home today since partner couldn't, so I've been dealing with it all day. So after bath, we get ready to brush our teeth, and my partner decides he's going to hold LO still and force brush her teeth. He then grabbed her up with the intention to whoop her ass. I told him I didn't think that was really helping (like being very aggressive with YOU WILL DO THIS and whooping ass). So he said he was going outside and avoided it all together.

I was then left with LO, while I cried, and we eventually kind of brushed our teeth. Then, she has a light up Spiderman toy that is a 'mood' light. Now she is screaming in bed because I told her she couldn't sleep with him. Sometimes she calms down on her own; tonight she kept it up. I went in there to reinforce she was not getting the toy and it was sleep time. She scrambled out of bed trying to get down so I popped her butt and told her it was time for sleep, gave her a kiss, and walked out. Still crying. I grabbed a beer and my laptop and am now sitting in bed.

Advice: should I have been more like, aggressive with 'making' her brush her teeth?? Should I keep my gentle approach? Not all nights she fights but sometimes she does. Am I being the pushover (as I am assuming my partner thinks I am), and in turn am I spoiling my LO??