TIFU

Obligatory this happened years ago, just posting now.. It was spring of 2001… I had just broken up with a 2 year long girlfriend and had started dating a new girl (Call her Mallory). We were in our early 20’s and having fun. one night the two of us ended up at the strip clubs with another friend. In our drunken striper surounded stuper we all made a pac to all get piercings, they would pierce their hood, I would pierce my frenum. Next day we all woke up and headed to our local piercing shop. We all held each other's hand during the deed. it was poetic

The piercer told us women’s hoods heal within a few days to a week, whereas males dicks take 6 to 8 weeks to fully heal, and it should NOT be used during that time.

Wrapped up in the excitement of it all, I joined a piercing forum and posted a picture. Young dumb me registered with my username, but also filled out the full name section. what could go wrong right….

So the days pass and Mallory is getting into her hood piercing, and we are excited to start exploring this new found joy.. We figure what could go wrong if we use condoms.. BUT they had to be large. We tried the “large” ones at the local drug store and all were too tight on my freshly impaled member. we go to the local sex shop, and two gay men are working and we walk up and ask for the largest condom, they hand me Trojan magnums. Mallory says “Do you have anything larger?” The two guys look me up and down, Smirk, and say “Ummm NO”.. So we take what we can get.

After a few tries the trojans were just not cutting it.. to tight, twisting the bar… Can’t keep Privet johnson at attention when he’s in pain. So… Fuck it, just use dial soap after right? Rip that fucking rubber off, and goto town.. Awesome Piercing sex…

A few weeks later things are not right down there.. Piercing is starting to ooze a bit.. But hey a fucking needle gouged my shaft a few weeks ago, normal right? Get on a plane to visit Mallory's friend in Seattle for a weekend vacation.. On saturday (in seattle) i couldn't take the Burning oozing pus filled crotch any more and goto a piercing shop to ask what to do. They suggested soaking it in a salt solution (they gave me packets) twice a day then goto the doctor when I get home.

So I went back to our friend's house and soak my member in a cup of hot salt water, and hide the cup under her bathroom vanity. We go out Saturday night, get drunk, soak when i get home, put the cup back and go to bed. During the night her friend gets up to piss, sitting on the toilet, needs hydration and opens the cabinet to get a cup.. and.. grabs my puss cup and rehydrates herself.

We wake up Sunday morning and flew home. As we got on the plane I remember I forgot to toss the cup so Mallory called her friend to tell her. I think the whole plane could hear her vomit over the phone. So I get home, goto the doctor, he tells me to take the piercing out, puts me on antibiotics and shit clears up.. My manhood is saved and back to working order.. Story over.. right? Wrong…

about 3 months later my dad calls me, Dad: “Do you have something to tell me?” me: “Uhh what's that dad?” Dad: “My cousin in New York called me and said she googled our last name, And the first link took her to a website of penisis with… Piercings….. and one of them had your first and last name…. and you were wearing the fucking shirt mom gave you for christmas”

yes i was wearing a very recognizable tie dye shirt.. After 30 minutes of yelling and being told I was a disgrace, how he owned a business and, what if one of hi clients googled, . he handed the phone to mom and the whole thing started over.

Needless to say i emailed the site right away and asked it be taken down which they complied and within a few weeks it was off google…

TLDR: Pierced my member, Posted pics online, Got infected, washed out in cup, friend drank from cup, mom and dad found Posted pics.