Obligatory 'this happened a couple of days ago', and I'm doing this on a throwaway because, well, I'd rather not have to deal with that.

About a week ago, my partner and I are laying in bed, having a relaxing morning before we head out to go to some appointments. It's late morning, and I'm lying sideways across our bed playing with our dog, when she raises her paw and moves to slam it down on my face - as dogs are wont to do. I, of course, instinctively jerk my head out of the way, and immediately feel all the vertebrae in my neck crunch. Suddenly, I can no longer move my head in any way without intense pain shooting down my shoulders and back, and we're concerned I've injured myself severely. I slam some Panadine Forte (prescription-level Ibuprofen x Codeine), and it barely touches the pain.

Somewhat fortunately for me, the appointments we had pre-scheduled include both a doctor's visit for my partner, and a chiropractor for me. With my neck in the condition it is, I can't drive out of the garage, let alone the hour to get to the appointments, so a last-minute call to her grandfather saves us and he drives all the way out to pick us up and become our chauffeur for the day. We hit up the doctor's first, during which doc confirms it shouldn't be anything particularly serious and that the chiro we're heading to next should do me some good. "Great!", I think, "At least I know it's not life-threatening!"

We head to the chiro, he does some extremely painful but ultimately relieving massages on my neck and back muscles (no cracks, he said he'd never do that to someone with an injury). As soon as we finish up my appointment I go to sit up and I'm hit with a wave of light-headedness, difficulty breathing, and nausea. The chiro grabs me a drink of water, I collapse onto the floor, and then spend the duration of my partner's appointment with him recovering from my episode. We figure it was the Codeine finally taking effect, since I'd never had it before and it's known to be a real nasty piece of work.

After the chiro appointments, I'm recovered enough to make it back to the car, and although my neck is still in agony, it has eased up a bit. The Grandfather-in-law takes us home, and we relax for the rest of the day.

The next couple of days go smoothly - I seem to be recovering fairly quickly and getting my range of motion back. I even drive out to the local shops a couple of times, being very cautious. I may have grown a little complacent - this is where the F-up happens.

My morning routine involves a shower. Every single morning, I get out of bed and head straight into the shower before I do anything else. The chiro had advised me to take slightly longer showers to keep the warm water on my neck, especially in the mornings after a night of static sleep. I figured I'd use this excuse to, \ahem**, pump one out real quick, without considering the potential consequences.

I'm having a grand old time, uninterrupted for once as my partner has stayed in bed on her phone this particular morning. I get to climax and suddenly - surprise surprise - my entire neck and shoulders seize up in extreme tension. Whodathunkit, right?

The pain is excruciating. I was supposed to be taking it easy and resting my head and neck, but I went and put just about as much strain as I possibly could on it. I slump down to a seated position on the shower floor and groan loudly, which is about when my partner comes running in to see what's happened. The embarrassment gets the better of me and I lie, telling her that I simply jerked my neck too fast while washing. She helps me out of the shower, got me dressed, and I lay down for the rest of the day.

Exacerbating the injury happened three or four days ago now. In a similar time frame, I had almost completely healed up from the first instance, but I'm now still unable to turn my head more that about 45 degrees to either side, and I have a pretty constant and absolutely killer tension headache. If I'd just curbed my horn a little - you know, like someone with self-control, I would have been fine. I just had to go and let my smaller brain take over.

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TL;DR I had a neck injury, let my horniness get the better of me, and made it SO much worse. Also I'm too embarrassed about it to tell my partner.

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EDIT: Some grammatical fixes, because I apparently have no idea how to stick to a single tense.